THY CALLING SHALT BE FOR A COMFORT TO THY HUSBAND

For 19 years we lived in the Midwest. The year after my husband was called to be the branch president, the last of our five children followed her brothers and sisters out to BYU, some 2000 miles away. It was hard having her gone, but even harder because he was gone so much. I worked hard to have dinner on the table when he got home, and a white shirt ready for him. Our branch was small, but the borders were large—200 square miles. So even just a trip to the building to meet with someone usually took up the entire evening. I found myself home alone quite often. When he returned home, he would often be exhausted or elated, but either way, he couldn’t share what had gone on and I understood that. But I needed to be needed more. Eventually our branch became a small ward and his responsibilities as bishop increased his time away from home. Sunday was probably the longest, loneliest day for me.

I was reading in the Doctrine and Covenants, Section 25. Everyone knows that’s the section where Emma is given direction to write the hymns. But for some reason, I read deeper this time. I related to Emma whose husband was gone for much longer periods of time than mine. She didn’t even have a telephone. I’m not sure why, but I began replacing her name with my own as I read the scriptures. I found great counsel and comfort in the Lord’s words to her and to me.

“Thou art an elect lady whom I have called. Murmur not because of the things which thou has not seen, for they are withheld from thee and from the world, which is wisdom in me….The office of thy calling shall be fore a comfort unto thy husband, in his afflictions, with consoling words, in the spirit of meekness. And thou shalt go with him at the time of his going…

“Thou needest not fear, for thy husband shall support thee in the church…

“Wherefore, lift up thy heart and rejoice and cleave unto the covenants which thou has made. Continue in the spirit of meekness, and beware of pride. Let thy soul delight in thy husband, and the glory which shall come upon him. Keep my commandments and a crown of righteousness thou shalt receive…”

I realized there was so much more I could be doing to support Ken in his calling. My husband is hypoglycemic which means that there are times when his blood sugar drops. It happens most with stress or lack of sleep. So I took literally the part where it said, “thou shalt go with him at the time of his going”. On Sundays, when possible, I became his driver. If he were out visiting the ward members, I would drive and let him sleep the half hour that he needed in transit. I would sit in the car and read a book while he made the visit and then have my time with him on the half hour drive back home. There were days with several visits in a row and because I was the “designated driver”, he could put more of them in the same day, and therefore that left an evening free for our time. During the week there were many times when he had interviews with single sisters and someone else needed to be in the building. I took on that role. I can’t count the hours I spent reading or cross stitching on the couch outside his office. Again, when he was exhausted, I would be the one driving home and I knew he appreciated the support and the company, although we never spoke about what went on in his office.

We had the opportunity to attend a retreat for bishops and their wives and I was given the chance to share my personal experience with Section 25. Knowing I was going to be sharing with other bishop’s wives, I also wrote the following fun little essay:

10 ways to Know You are the Bishop’s Wife:

1. You are sitting in Sacrament meeting and you hear for the first time,
that a fireside is being held tonight AT YOUR HOUSE!

2. A two-hour video takes you 4 ½ hours to get through because of phone calls, or else your husband has never seen the middle part of a video because you finally gave up waiting!

3. By mistake, as your husband moves through to the back of the chapel after Sacrament meeting, he gives you a handshake just like everyone else.

4. You envy those in the east with a five-hour drive and overnight stay to the temple, just to have had that much time alone with your husband.

5. You are the only member in the ward who thinks those new couches in the foyer are neither all that beautiful nor all that comfortable.

6. The cell phone bill seems to be approaching the size of your house payment.

7. When planning a romantic evening with your husband, you first phone call is not to a restaurant, theater or hotel, but to his executive secretary.

8. The day of the youth temple trip you are secretly happy that the brakes in the car went out and you will have to take the truck, leaving no room for the others who were going in your car.

9. You can’t remember what was so busy about the month of December before he had “Tithing Settlement Declaration”.

10. Your husband comes home extremely late at night, puts his arms around you and says, “Tonight was wonderful. I’m sorry I can’t share anything with you. But I wouldn’t be able to do any of this, if it weren’t for your support. I’m so glad I have you to come home to both on the difficult nights and on the good ones like this.”

We have moved back to the west now. Our children are closer. My husband’s calling is as a teacher in Priesthood and he also is a home teacher. Of course, here, he walks to most of those appointments. He certainly doesn’t need me to drive him. Nevertheless, I work to make sure that my “soul delights in him, and the glory that shall come upon him”. I might bake for his home teaching families, or suggest a picture or idea for one of his lessons.

I’m just very grateful to know that the scriptures can take on such a personal meaning. That made a huge difference in being able to support my husband in his calling then and now.